From the first years of life, our child will build his self-esteem. Self-esteem is not innate or inherited, but acquired, encouraged and modified through the different personal experiences and relationships we maintain with people in our environment. Getting children to have a positive self-image is a perception that we must constantly encourage. Therefore, here are some tips on how to build a child’s self esteem to help you build healthy self-esteem in your children.
The way in which we perceive the child and transmit these perceptions, as well as the value that it gives itself, will influence its construction of self-esteem. The child self-evaluates, reflects on what expected of him, both himself and others, and builds his self-love, whether positive or negative. It is important that, from an early age, we help the child recognize and accept their qualities and limitations.
Self-esteem plays a very important role in the child’s development: motivation, the will to learn and to do things, peer relationships or frustration tolerance affected by the way children perceive themselves. Children need to feel safe and confident to better face day-to-day events.
In this sense, the family plays a key role: we are the closest referents of the child so that the relationships we maintain with him – as the degree of confidence and security that we transmit – will influence his concept of himself same.
Children are very sensitive to everything going on around them and any experience or comment can cause them to feel uncomfortable or insecure. If we do not teach them how to handle these feelings, they will not know how to deal with them and they will grow up having an unhealthy image of themselves and feeling anxiety or frustration in every new situation.
Therefore, you should always be alert to your comments or attitudes, because they can be signs of low self-esteem. If your child, for example, is afraid to try something new, affects too much what others say, feels ashamed about everything, constantly compares with other children or feels inferior to others, you need to act fast to prevent these situations get out of hand.
It is important to create an atmosphere of trust with the children so that they come to talk about their daily life. Thus to know if they feel sad or uncomfortable for something, such as a family affair, school or the attitude of a partner; so it will be easier to sit with them and teach them how to handle those conflicts in a positive way.
We are so obsessed with creating the bubble of adult welfare that we have forgotten the importance of sowing child self-esteem. It is very important that our children grow up in a world of balanced adults because it will be the best we can transmit. However, if we stop to think about this, it will not take much to realize that we make our deficiencies visible.
So children, like animals, perceive our fears and insecurities and make them theirs with great ease. Given this scenario, the truth is that we must strive because this happens to a lesser extent. But how can we do it?
Firstly, considering that we are the best example to follow for children, so we must encourage our self-care. Secondly, with our way of acting and treating them, as well as the values we instill in them, that is, how we educate them.
We do not want children who have to be perfect because we do not want to cultivate pride; we want children who love each other and trust in themselves and in their potential. Here are 12 keys that will not fail to promote child self-esteem:
• It is very important to keep them in mind and dedicate our time in an exclusive way: We must consider what the child asks and demands. In addition, if we are walking with them we should not go looking at our mobile phone because the child will give us looks and moments that we will lose. Therefore, to promote children’s self – esteem we must consider the children, as well as dedicate some of our time.
• Correct your mistakes but from the love: Without shouting and with patience, the child is a sponge that will absorb the good and the bad. Make him understand that you learn together and that the exchange is mutual.
• Foster their autonomy giving them responsibilities: Let them make small decisions regarding their daily relationships or habits. For example, they can cook with you or prepare their lunch, help you dry and pick up the dishes, set the table, choose the clothes you want to put…
• Do not compare them: Another key to fostering children’s self-esteem is that you do not share them with your siblings or your friends. Do not compare a child to anyone, and do not do it with an adult. No one is better or worse than anyone, we are all different.
• Do not label him as “clumsy”, “bad”, “and silly”: This does not help at all to grow with healthy self-esteem. When the child does something wrong there are many ways to tell: it is not okay to hit your brothers, you do not have to break the toys or we have to work well mates.
• Nor do you do as “smart” “good” or “smart”: The child will not understand what it is that you refer to him in that way. In your case, you can say; how well you have done the tasks, how well you have collected or I love to see you paint.
• Set clear boundaries and be consistent with them: That is, if you do not pick up your toys, we will not go to the park; the child will want to negotiate this but they are not worth half-measures, if you have put a reasonable condition you have to enforce it, otherwise he will not take it seriously. Firmness.
• Value the effort, not the results: Do not focus on whether you have scored an outstanding or an approved, the important thing is that the child has been consistent and has endeavored to reinforce this. To promote child self-esteem it is very important to value your effort.
• Do not exaggerate your flattery and be concrete: That is, tell him what he has done well and why you liked it so the child knows what you like. You have collected very well your toy cars and stuffed animals are substantially different from you are very neat. It is important that you discuss with others your achievements and your efforts, as it will make you feel useful and important.
• Validate your emotions: If the child cries are likely to have been hurt, give it importance. Avoid saying: Nothing happens! If that happens, something makes you feel bad and it is important that we give the relevant relevance.
• Do not overprotect, promote insecurity and dependence: Do not stand guard and watch them every time, because you will generate children bubble. Children do not break and they need a dynamic that gives them opportunities to develop steadily, not to stagnate.
• Book moments for each of the children you have around: Try to look for an individual space for each one, because being important and protagonists for a few minutes or a few hours is very reinforcing for them. Doing it shows that for you it is key to dedicate to each other from time to time, caring how you feel and seeking to generate new exchanges.
Few things motivate a child or adolescent more than the applause and recognition of their parents, whether in sports, artistic creations or school level. How many mothers or fathers do they care about the order or the food of fourteen-year-olds who do not know or have never asked about their dreams? Children grow and their needs too and parents do want to be by their side should do so too.
On the other hand, let us not forget that they are starting to do many things and that therefore, many will do badly or they very much improved. However, if there is a moment when it is important to value the intention is this. If the parents do so, they will reinforce it and the execution will become better with practice.
Finally, just as there are some parents who are very inclined to devote a good deal of time to the bad grades of their children – talking to them, finding a common solution and even imposing some incentive or disciplinary measure, etc. – there are less that dedicate a good time to celebrate the successes of their children. As important or more is one thing as the other, but we will have a dentist focused attentively on their defects with all the amount of negative thinking that this can generate.